


And I’ve been thinking about you lately...

by supercalifragili



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Fluff, Kid Fic, M/M, Past Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-11
Updated: 2014-11-11
Packaged: 2018-02-24 19:05:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2592863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supercalifragili/pseuds/supercalifragili
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“What’s up?” Niall's groggy voice filters through and<br/>“You worked some sort of love charm on me right?” Liam asks quickly and Niall laughs with him at 2:03 in the morning.<br/>He’s never laughed this much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And I’ve been thinking about you lately...

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so shit at summaries, I couldn't come up with one. I'm sorry for all the mistakes. Title taken from Night Changes. Kinda wrote it when Ready to Run came out, ergo the lyrics from Liam's verse. Thank you very much for reading!

_There’s a devil in your smile it’s chasing me_

_and every time I turn around it’s only gaining speed_

 

Liam looks at the marine turtles in the little speck of water beneath his feet taking off the mask and snorkel from his mouth; he sets the oxygen tank down beside him to look around and surveilling the area. He smiles watching as the turtles tap on the glass with their little claws. Above him light cuts through glass, clouds mounting up heavily in the sky, he waves at the turtles and watches as they turn back deep inside the tank, corals and leaves hovering over them as they swim swiftly in their refuge.

The turbine by the little tank where crabs crawl freely is still going, Liam always checks for that tank and huffs a little since the mini crabs aquarium habitat should be equipped abundantly with rocks, driftwood, and other decorations to give the crustaceans hiding and climbing areas. There's always an open area for them which helps themto the rocky surface. 

The empty bucket of fish food makes his trip back to the bathrooms easier, he walks and turns the gear of the locked door to enter in the bathrooms and changing spot. He steps inside the warm area and sighs in relief, the heat working his tight muscles straining in the wetsuit and buoyancy compensator; he walks to his shower space and sheds off his tight suit, rolling it off his skin and taking off his dive booties to set them by the side of the shower.

He turns on the water jet setting it on hot and scrubs himself quickly, soaping his hair and brushing his teeth. He walks carefully outside his block to grab his warm towel outside his shower, tightening it around his waist, and taking his washed suit and boots with him.

He walks to his locker where he wipes himself clean and dresses up quickly, he’s the last one together with Harry, but Harry’s way too slow for Liam to wait oand he usually wastes most of the time funnily devolving into horrible dad jokes and old rock litanies to Liam's ears.

“See you tomorrow!” Liam shouts in the direction of the showers waiting for the immediate “See ya!” that comes back to him.

The floors are scrubbed clean already and Liam hurries through the lockers and double doors and meets Niall by the front desk, the latter tapping insistently on his phone with a pronounced frown on his lips

“Still with Piano Tiles?” Liam chances at Niall sitting by the front desk

“Dammit Liam, arcade is the devil’s work, I swear,” Niall grits out, eyes still fixated on his phone as his blond hair falls slightly on his face

“Did he come by today?” Liam asks curiously, looking down the blue-coloured hallway that gives to the tanks in the aquarium

“Yeah, sat on the usual spot, scribbling on paper while you were feeding those God's forsaken turtles, Liam, they're going to be overweight! Think he’s a little smitten by you”

Niall smiles mostly to himself and curses when he loses by missing on tile

Liam sees the man while he stands in front of the shark tank writing down notes and his eyes turning serious as he scribbles some more.

“Oh, stop it, it’s impossible. He's Malik, he surely has a long line of people more interesting than a silly guy in a scuba diving suit that playa around with turtles” he counters lightly taking up his jacket from Niall, the synthetic fur making his skin prickle a little as he zips it.

“Oi, don’t speak like that. He’s writing, maybe you’re giving the lad some inspiration on his new book” Niall looks up and pushes his blond hair back “Need a cut” he murmurs to himself

"I didn't see him"

"Obviously, maybe ya didn't see him cause of the swarm of women around him, even little Maya was there" he returns on swiping his phone with a smirk on his face

“What are you smiling about?”

“I think he’s gone for Maya too, she showed me the drawing he had for her, a caricature. He always leaves early, what a bummer, uh Liam?” he pushes forward on the desk in front of Liam the caricature he had of Maya, eccentric in his form, but Liam still smiles like it’s the best drawing ever.

Liam reckons he's shit at drawing, always had been; his mum always swats him in the head when he says so, he believes maybe he has a little self-deprecating attitude towards himself. He was a little bit rubbish all over school which his mum always negates, but he was able to major in marine biology between the product of which algae are made of and the constituency of corals in deep waters.

There were a lot of sleepless nights and most of those were with Maya’s breath tickling his neck as he cradled her in his arms. The smoothness of her skin and the fixed flush on her cheeks were enough to make him sleep for two or three hours at most and run to school in the early morning, wind or rain or snow or really any bad weather could have thrown his way. He highlighted and wrote little notes that now if he looks back look mostly like ants crawling over the planes of technical words he had to memorize and forcibly understand.

“He’s good with Maya” Liam smiles down at the drawing, tracing the bold line of the fullness of her cheeks on paper and sighs

“Yeah, Maya asks of him too, when she doesn’t see him, last time she dragged him to the aquatunnel too, Harry said they looked adorable” Niall adds in lightly with a raised brow, a smile on his lips

“Stop it Niall”

“What”

“Whatever you’re doing”

Niall laughs and lets Liam in his space unlocking the little wooden gate to his desk; Liam tip toes through the door behind him to find Maya sleeping in the little cot he had set up for her, the soft comforters kept tightly under her bruised chin. She fell trying to catch a butterfly the other day; Liam tried too, he only managed to fall over his feet while other mums around where giggling at his clumsiness and Maya was laughing wholeheartedly with her bleeding chin- it took a lot of deep breaths and _Papa calm down, I’m fine_ reassured by Maya to make him think and pick from his backpack the little aid-kit he had since Maya was born.

“Maya” Liam whispers softly, brushing away brown locks of hair from her face, she puckers her lips and Liam kisses her quickly

“I’m up!” she exclaims eyes wide open, two ambers reminding him of her mum.

“You are, ready to go, little bee?” she nods enthusiastically, taking her little fleece and bunching it closely like a baby doll against her chest

“Mr. Zayn sat with me today!”

“And what did Mr. Malik say?”

“His favourite fish is the clown one and the lemon shark too” she indicates grandly with her hands

“Really?”

“Uh uh” she nods, hair falling on her face.

Liam smiles brushing her hair back and holding between his teeth a band to use for a little ponytail. He helps her with her sweater and jacket, her face heating up in the warmth of the backroom; they make their exit, Liam tightening the scarf and fluffing it kindly around her neck. She stretches her arms to him jutting her lip out and making those sad eyes Liam can’t resist to, he cribs her in his arms and she kisses his nose murmuring _we have the same nose daddy,_ her voice still a little sleepy.

“Had a good sleep?” Niall picks Maya up in his arms and twirls her around quickly before setting her down on her feet, her giggles still loud and clear

“Yes uncle, thank you” Maya prompts Niall to kneel a little and smooches his forehead with a loud smack and a satisfied grin. She wipes the slobber away when Niall feigns disgust with the cuff of her coat.

“Did you have fun with auntie Jade?” Niall asks when he sets her on his lap

“Yes!”

“Good, go up with the old man and keep him safe okay?”

“Strong!” she growls jokingly with Niall as she brings up her gloved hands and scrunches up her face in a seemingly dangerous expression which makes Niall snort and grab his phone quickly to snap a picture, and it’s so nice to see her this happy.

They make their way to the bus stop, their place not that far away from the aquarium. Liam managed to work extra hours to make sure the income was flowing and he was able to rent a modest flat, the decoration set up by Maya with her casual but heartfelt drawings of daises and yellow tulips. He holds her up in his arms and makes her sit on his shoulders, her loud _vroom vrooooom_ as he speeds up a little, holding her hands in his.

They wait for the bus in the cold, a little bored and a little tired and Liam listens to Maya talking about crabs and other crustacean until the bus appears on the other side of the road. The busman greet them kindly and Maya gives him an enthusiastic high-five.

“Good, baby Maya?”

“Good, nice and well Mister B!” she says, a ritual of theirs and Liam can’t help but smile.

Setting Maya on his lap and watching as she glues her face to the cold surface of the bus, Liam looks with her watching as people walk down the sidewalk. The little chatter of other passengers buzzes in his ears and his feet shake with the rumble of the vehicle, as she looks outside crossing the same street her mum crossed for the last time. He holds Maya tight there; he still goes and puts down a yellow tulip there on the sidewalk every Saturday, the bracelet around his wrist itching on his skin.

“Okay daddy?”

“Yeah, great, want something to eat?”

“Not if you sad” she pouts disapprovingly and Liam smooths the light lines between her eyebrows

Liam tries a smile, a good one, pulling at the side of his lips and she helps out, her gloved thumbs hauling up his skin by the side of lips and-

“There it is!” she has the same smile as Sophia, the same one she had when he got his job at the aquarium, the shape of her eyes and her little ears too.

Sophia was great, she was the greatest person Liam could have ever loved for the rest of his life and be happy with; she was everything. Liam still remembers how nicely she’d dress when she’d pick up Maya from her parents after her hours at the clothing store, he remembers the perfume she used, his plaid she wore at home overwhelming her little frame. Liam remembers her voice, still.

A drunk driver carried her body across the sidewalk, her groceries crushed on the asphalt in Mill Palms Street in a gloomy day of November, Liam couldn't even look at those. The clouds burst with tears the night she whispered with a feeble voice _fall in love again, fall in love again._

Liam promised.

“Pasta?”

“You spill the last time” Maya laughs squishing his cheeks

“And what did home smell like?” he kisses her cheeks remembering Maya in his arms while Sophia was laying on the bed, her breath shallow.

Then, Maya was just a year old and she held Sophia’s fingers tightly, a smile and the vitality of her movements making Sophia chuckle a little.  _I love you baby, forever,_ Sophia sighed heavily when she gave him her light wooden beaded bracelet with a smile, watching him as he slipped it on his wrist. He still has it. Her eyes closed after, the long and incessant noise of the heart monitor signalling a straight line on the screen. He still hears it sometimes, Maya hates it, she covers up her ears and becomes austere, her bushy eyebrows creasing a little- he understands.

“Pasta bowls!” Maya giggles and Liam tickles her quickly shaking away the memory of that night.

The lady sitting in front of them looks up and smiles as well.

“Uncle Niall said he’ll cook pasta for us the next time” Liam promises, Maya always asks for a bis and a tris and _quadris!_ Until Niall himself has to stop her from having another plate.

After the month he spent back home with his parents Niall attached onto him like a vice, making sure he was always in by a certain time and threatening him _Better see ya f’cking arse up here by eight you wanker, I’m gonna call those secret agents on you as soon as you disappear again_.

Niall lived with them for a while, when Sophia was gone. He slept on the couch with Maya on his chest when he’d be late from work and couldn’t pick her up from Jade’s place, he’d always cook because _Liam you cook like shit, we’re gonna eat bollocks if you continue staying in the kitchen._ Niall made sure he’d wake up in the morning and tell him with a smack on his head that _Sophia told you to continue, what are you doing?_

 “What about Uncle Harry?”

“Don’t tell but Niall pasta the best” she murmurs cupping his ears and it’s true, he loves Niall’s pasta too.

 

They eat the leftover vegetable soup listening to Michael Bublé, the bass shaking the glasses on the coffee table as they sit on the floor and bob their heads along to the beat. Maya loves Bublé, she always picks up his CDs and asks in her pleading voice _Pleaseeee_.

“Is the soup good?” Liam asks feeding her a spoonful of it, the celery still strong in the air

“Chef!” she kisses her fingertips

“Did Uncle Louis teach you that?”

“He said it’s to show appr-appreaon” she tries putting her hands on her head with a serious frown

“Appreciation” he helps her out, feeding another spoon in her mouth, and catching the droplets of soup that slide down her chin

“Difficult”

He watches as she tries to serve herself a spoonful not quite succeeding but trying again with her other hand, still not working. Clatter outside their door makes Maya’s eyes widen a little in curiosity as she stands hurriedly and points a lot of fingers towards the brown door in wood- he has to move that coat rack, it almost fell on his head one morning. Needless to say he got hit the next day and it hurt even more since he had his usual haircut, he can’t seem to grow it and he probably doesn’t want to.

“Where are you going?” he demands as she side steps the table and goes to tap on the stand by the door, soup forgotten

“To meet new friend!” she states like it’s obvious, there might be a fight going on instead, or somebody killing another person and for a moment Liam wishes he could return to be a baby and think like one, it’s just a friend. A new friend.

“Okay baby, wait, let’s clean up first”

“Okay” he brings her to the kitchen, washing and cleaning her mouth before wiping it with a towel and looking at the time, just a little look and to bed he decides.

“Say hi and to bed okay?” he reinforces

“Yes daddy” she agrees with no trouble and races to the door, almost stumbling on her shoes

“Shoes on the side Yaya” he says quickly

“Sorry!”

He unlocks the door and opens it quietly, picking Maya in his arms and holding her close before peeking his head out

“Scared?” she asks sincerely worried

“A little”

“Protect you” she yanks the door open with the swiftness of a three year old.

Liam watches Maya's mouth hanging open as she stares at the man standing by his door with a pair of black framed glasses on, a thick woolly red sweater clinging on his shoulders and tight dark jeans, his dim red beanie covering his head and strands of raven hair peeking out from the nape. He’s tapping on the floor, his boots screeching a little when Maya just-

“Mr. Zayn!” she shouts animatedly, waving her hands as he turns to the with a bored look, turning content when he notices Maya

“Mama!” he smiles, putting away the phone he was fiddling with and pushing it in his back pocket, and Liam is starstruck for a second.

He’d seen him in posters and in photos, but he was never able to go to a signing and get an autograph and Niall told him he was beautiful, but he didn’t say he’d be _this_ beautiful. His eyes, those long eyelashes, his tanned skin, the hint of a scruff on his sharp jaw and soft chin and his pink lips, those pink lips stretching as he steps forward a little, and backtracks for a second.

“This your dad, Mama?”

Maya nods and nudges him “Yes, he plays with turtles!”

“Oh, he was the one yeah?” he smirks up at him and nods in greeting, returning back to paying attention to an exhilarated Maya in his hands

“Yes, my dad! Daddy, this Mr. Zayn!” he taps his shoulder and Liam snaps out of whichever haze he was in to stretch forth his hand and hold the soft one of Zayn in his, they look so warm and gentle, God.

“Liam, my pleasure”

“Oh, all mine- Zayn” Zayn replies quickly, making him duck his head quickly, worrying his blush might be evident

“No worry, he friendly” Maya reassures him and Liam half glares at her, the look eliciting a laugh from Zayn in front of them, men walking up the stairs with furniture

“I’m sorry, kind of like a necessity,” he excuses chewing his lips “Almost done, I’m sorry for the ruckus”

“It’s alright, I- Yaya say bye to Mr. Zayn” he asks Maya as she pouts at him

“You always tell you me you sleep at nine yeah? It’s time, come on, ” Zayn helps him out, stretching a tentative hand on her dark hair, he nods quickly for him to pet Maya’s hair and nod encouragingly

“Will see you tomorrow?” she holds his ring finger

“You’ll see me every day if your dad wants you to”

“Daddy?” she rubs at her tired eyes

“Yes Maya, say Goodnight to Mr. Zayn and let’s go to sleep, need any help?” he asks

“I’m set, thank you. See you Maya”

“Sweet dreams!” she waves at Zayn, his hands brushing over Maya’s for a second before she lays her head on his shoulder and breathes in deeply.

“You too, Mama”

Zayn looks at him again, his eyes scanning his face for a fleeting moment

“Sweet dreams, Liam” Zayn says, his eyes working scavenger hunts in his body before he nods and with a goodnight he closes the door to his apartment.

 

“Yaya! We’re late!” Liam shouts down the hallway, the clattering of shoes and somebody falling scaring him for a bit until Maya’s head appears by her room, gesturing with her hands for him to come forward. He huffs jokingly when Maya crosses her arms over her chest anxiously, Liam fixes his jacket on and walking up to her illuminated room, the draperies drawn and her bed done.

“Yes?”

“Look!” She points at a piece of paper on her desk, a flower he thinks, a tulip probably, he can see the seeming line of a stem in there

“Who is it for?”

“Mr. Zayn!” he helps her with her scarf and beanie covering her ears, arranging in so that it’d cover the back of her neck too

“Ready?” she nods, running to the desk and taking the piece of paper in her hands “Aye Captain!”

They make their way down the maroon hallways, leading up to the front door where Liam helps Maya with her shoes and he puts on his, he brings her up in his arms and unlocks the door, the cold air of October already making him shiver, he locks the door, Maya giving a hand to lock it and when they turn around Zayn is closing his door too, a sleepy look on his face as he yawns and stretches before Maya calls him

“Good mooning Mr. Zayn!” she runs down to him, the drawing already splaying in her hands to show

“Good morning Mama, is this for me?” Zayn takes in his hands in a grateful smile

“Yeah! Yellow pulit”

“ _Tulip_ , good morning” he corrects Maya waving a shy hand at the raven haired boy, his hair tussled and messy, his glasses still on and framing his brown eyes

“Good morning, Liam. Thank you Mama, it’s really cool”

“Cool? No cold!”

“It’s nice” he corrects himself before Liam takes Maya up in his arms again nodding with his head at Zayn and walking along with him down the elevators

“Are you a Northern?” he asks walking by his side, noticing he’s quite small in frame, the cuffs of his sweater rolled on his wrist

“Bradford” Zayn concedes nodding along and pushing the first floor button and waiting for the doors to open

“That’s quite far” he says and winces when he finds out he’s asked a stupid question, he knows he’s from Bradford, it’s on Wikipedia even.

Maya holds his hand while they walk to the entrance of the set flat and once outside they wave a goodbye, Zayn walking in the other direction with a _Take care, bye Maya!_

They walk to the train station Maya on his lap scratching his beard, the palm of her hands red from how much she rubbed on it. They sit by the back seat of their compartment and look outside the windows, places scurrying away along the speed of the train, they always do that- the going away- when he has his free day from the Aquarium he works at since five years now.

Maya eats one of the sandwiches he prepared in the morning, drinking some water just after and they sit there on the train, looking outside and Maya greeting loudly the people sitting by their side. They stop down in Cheshire and Liam sets the stroller for Maya to sit into as they make their way to the bus stop. Harry told him Beeston Castle Gate was a nice place to see so they walk in the cold, Maya stuffed in her jacket pointing around and waving at people passing by.

They surpass the gate looking up at the sandstone and they make their way back to Chester to visit the black and white architecture, cold whizzing in his coat and hitting his skin. They sit inside a coffee shop and they are able to eat their sandwiches warming up in the heat, the waiter asking them if they’d like to drink a hot cup of chocolate to which Maya nods eagerly to.

When they get back it’s almost dawn, some reds mixing in the blues and clouds of the sky, he runs errands with Maya, the stores not that far away from him the station as they stop to buy some meat to prepare curry, they stay by the fridges when-

“I seem to see you everywhere now” a familiar voice startles him

“Could say the same about you” he counters with a smile, which dies because Zayn shaved and he looks much younger, so young Liam thinks he needs to book a visit down to his eye doctor. Zayn is holding a basket with cereals and milk and he is stretching his hand towards the chicken thighs in the freezer compartment.

“You shaved” he says uselessly, Zayn’s skin looking smooth and baby-like, a distant itchiness making his fingers prickle. Maya sleeping in her push-chair beginning to stir a little when Zayn checks.

“Kinda” his wrist bare revealing the sighting of a henna style flower tattoo, “Chicken curry?”

“Maya loves it” he informs him with a shrug.

Zayn ends up walking with them, a bag of his own with pencils notebooks and a box of Weetabix in hand

“Being a writer is nice uh?” Liam bundles Maya up in thick covers while walking on the way,

“Think so?”

“I would guess by your books, yeah”

“It’s cool, at least I don’t have a hoard of people following me around, not many people read books now. Did you read one?” Zayn shrugs looking down, he bites his lips and Liam thinks about the balm he keeps in his pocket for a while

“Devil’s Smile and Silences were amazing” Liam admits in the end and Zayn chuckles arranging the beanie on his head “I’m glad” a hint of blush appears on his cheeks as his boots stomp on the asphalt to keep up, his smile still on his lips,

“Wanna join us for dinner? Kind of our first day as neighbours” he offers cautiously waiting for Zayn to look up

“Is it alright?”

“Yes it is, Yaya will love it” he points to Maya sleeping in the stroller, and Zayn takes time to nod firmly, warming up his hands and putting them in his pockets.

Zayn steps inside his apartment mouthing a _wow_ at the décor, slipping off his boots by the entrance

“Make yourself at home, sorry for the mess” Liam excuses himself

“This is spotless Liam, did you do this?” he gestures to the interior

“Nah, wish I could” he grants taking his and Maya’s shoes off and setting them under the coat rack where Zayn hangs his coat and beanie, his hair tussled as he ruffles it hastily

“Can I?” Zayn prompts for Maya waking up in his arms and Liam should say no because he can’t just trust anybody but Zayn makes him feel like he could give his life to him and he’d take care of it, some cohesion in his voice and the peace he contains when he speaks, those ducked smiles and the way he talks to Maya when she wakes up in his arms sitting on the couch in front of the TV.

“You’re staying Mr. Zayn?” he hears Maya’s voice asking

“For dinner, wanna go help daddy?” comes by the door when he turns on the ball of his feet

“Want me to help? I’m good with this”

Zayn takes quite little time in finding all the spices he was searching for the turmeric and ginger

“You don’t have cilantro…”

“Don’t really like it” Liam frowns, but Zayn shrugs undisturbed in response.

It doesn’t take long after Liam fries the onion paste and adds all the ingredients, Zayn washing his hands and cutting on cutting tray the already sized cube chicken in small pieces for Maya he says adding the chicken in chunks and leaving him to stir it.

“Rice or naan?” Zayn asks tightening a band on his head and opening the cupboard where he saw the bag of rice. Liam is kind of left there surprised with the way Zayn looks so homey-like, his socked feet tapping on the floor with a raised brow

“What’s naan?”

“It’s like flatbread, I have some at my place, wanna try?”

Zayn doesn’t even wait for him to answer, turning towards the door and Maya getting down her chair to follow him

“Where are you going Maya?”

“Please daddy, I help!”

“We’re gonna be back in a minute Liam, trust me on this” Zayn fixes him with a stoic stare

It’s not that Liam doesn’t like people but he has a three person list of who he can trust and it’s been like that since ages, he should have known, he should have known that Zayn and Maya would had gone along from the start, but he’s not ready yet, he’s never been ready.

He’s still not ready to let people in, but Zayn is making it easier for him to try, just after a day.

Zayn is behind him when Liam checks for the curry, a Ziploc of flatbread in his arms, Dede by his side telling him how nice his house is

“There’s a guitar!”

“You play?” he asks curiously to Zayn

“Trying to learn” who nods casually, a shrug shaking his shoulders

“Niall could teach you”

“The blond one by the desk?” Liam nods watching as Zayn takes the information in

“Since he says you come by he can teach you, he’s good”

Zayn looks at him while they’re eating, he follows as his eyes read the hieroglyphics and trace the feather with his gaze, Maya eating happily and chewing the small bits of chicken she can find in the curry. They eat quietly, having some conventional conversation about the weather when Zayn asks him about the chevrons on his forearm, the same thickness, the same boldness.

He doesn’t know why he did them, he probably shouldn’t have, but Maya reminds him of all the good things that happened in those two years, her first birthday, her first word, potty training madness and his major.

“They’re to remember things… Happy things” and that seems to be enough for Zayn.

And Liam, somehow, can’t get enough of him too, the same itchiness he had years ago returning back as he reaches for his coat when Maya’s asleep and Zayn stares back at him, this silent gaze that makes Liam’s skin prickle. He’s never been this awake, attentive of Zayn’s movements, his cologne, his scruff down his neck and the way his Adam’s apple bobs in his throat.

“You don’t love a lot of things anymore, a lot of people…” Zayn says in a hushed voice, close to his neck. Liam's hands want to touch but not yet, he can’t yet “At least not yet” Zayn continues

“How?”

“Your eyes are too gentle not to love” Zayn smiles, a genuine one, the ones Maya has and maybe he doesn’t after all this time.

 

 

Liam wakes up with Maya hitting his forehead in the morning, goose bumps starting to form on his arms when he notices he doesn’t have a comforter.

“Daddy! Late!” she continues until he grabs her arms and head butts her lightly “Papa!” she says offended

“I’m sorry!” he laughs

“Not waking you again!” she frowns and he ends up trying to be forgiven. Between _you’re not my friend anymore_ and _I will go to Jade and tell her you head butt me and she’ll spank you!_   Liam gets the idea that probably Maya won't forgive him at the moment.

They take a quick shower, Liam taking an extra care in washing Maya’s hair and brushing her teeth, they get done by eight and Liam drives down to Niall and Jade’s place, Jade opening the door to their apartment with a sleepy face and garbed in thick cloths.

“Papa head butt me, Jade” Maya complains pouting in front of Jade,

“Liam, come here” she says quickly before head butting him too “That okay, Ya?” the sting making Liam wince

“Yes, bye bye daddy!”

Liam sparks his car going down the road to the Aquarium rubbing the red spot on his forehead. He gets in meeting Louis by the bathroom leading up to the tanks inside the main turbine of the shark tank and changes to scrub the floors with him.

“Niall told me you got Malik wrapped around your finger, Maya more like”

“High chance that is Maya”

“So?”

“So what?”

“Did you hit off or what?” Louis mimics his raised brow comically

“No! He’s a writer for God’s sake”

“And you are an aquarist for fuck’s sake!” he sets the mop looking at him irritated

“Doesn’t mean anything” he sighs “Maybe he’s got somebody already”

“I can’t believe you, do you think he’d come up here and stay seated in front of your tank for a couple of hours looking at you playing with some damn turtles just because he’s a writer and he’s got somebody already?”

“He had curry at my place” he says not resisting the torture Louis would submit him to.

“Finally, what’s a friend gotta do to get information out of you and you’re blushing too Liam, what a terrible liar you are!” Louis claps his hands laughing evilly.

Liam tries rubbing away the flush from his face, more, the memory of Zayn’s breath on his neck.

“Maya’s in love with him already, she can’t even be bothered” he sighs again, mopping the floor and following Louis to the kitchens and prepare the fish food for the fishes; today he’s in the shark tank with Louis, so he thinks it’s going to be a busy day. A school is visiting so he hopes the sharks will not act excited like three months ago when they went and knock their front to the glass insistently, scaring the kids shitless, he shivers at the thought.

He goes to the changing rooms, Louis behind him as he wear his skin tight wetsuit

“He looks kind you know? He looks like a good one and he’s seen Maya already”

“Yeah, well, people change idea pretty quickly”

“Shut it Liam, not everybody is like-”

“But they could be” he interrupt zipping his suit and wearing his boots.

He checks the temperature of their bodies and signalises it on the board by the internal way to the tanks, he controls the pressure of the air tanks and he sets his on his back with his buoyancy compressor, latching it well across his chest.

“Maya will be good, you know? To me this is your last stop, get down from it” he says and Liam for a quick second thinks he’s already gotten down from it.

His heart doesn’t stop blitzing in his chest for the rest of the day, even as the sharks hover over his head the only thought that travels his mind is if he wants to start walking.

 

 

He walks out from the bathrooms, Louis and Harry kissing avidly in front of the doors and waving goodbye at him. He meets Zayn standing by Maya, the guitar’s strap tight on his chest.

“Ready?” Maya asks him already set with her coat on and scarf around her neck, Zayn by her side, his block notes held tight in his hand, he’d like to ask him what he writes, what he sees when he sits in front of the turtle’s tank and scribbles

“Niall’s been teaching me” he brings his guitar out, Niall smiling with him

“He’s good, a fast learner”

“Can you make dad listen to a tune?” Maya asks excited, jumping on her feet

“Sure” Zayn sets his notebook down on the desk and handles the guitar on his back to his front, having a little difficulty for the first tries but catches up quickly,

_I can see it in your eyes: you’re angry_

_Regret got stuff on what you’re feeling now_

_Mad cause he ain’t like me_

_Oh you mad ‘cause nobody ever did it like me_

_All the care I would take,_

_All the love that we made_

_Now you’re trying to find somebody to replace what I gave to you_

_It’s a shame you didn’t keep it: Alicia, Katia…_

Niall keeps up with his voice and Liam stands there, heart stopping because his voice is beautiful and he’s never heard Niall harmonizing this nicely with another person other than Harry when they sit down with their guitars some days and pick strings, humming and buzzing some songs in the basement of Harry’s house, Louis sitting by the fireplace fiddling with Harry’s jumper’s hem.

“You write, you draw, you sing and you’re learning how to play, what a package right Liam?”

“Shut it Louis God,” Louis snickers behind him shoving him in front

“So, branded writer Malik spending his afternoons in an aquarium, watching turtles playing with aquarist Liam; that could be a really wonderful plot by the way” Louis reasons casually nudging Liam’s shoulder

“He’s embarrassing, don’t mind him” Liam says dismissively glaring at Louis in front of him, Harry standing by his side with a grin

“May be one” Zayn grins setting the guitar on his back, working the strap on his chest above his coat

“Oh I like him, Liam” Louis pats his back

“Maya are you ready?” Liam says loudly enough, Maya getting off Niall’s hold and coming to him across the desk

“Bye bye uncle H, Lou and Ni!” she kisses them quickly calling Zayn along.

 

“So, are you really writing a story about an aquarist named Liam?” he asks carefully, Zayn laughing as the question comes out

“Can’t really tell what I’m writing about, can’t I?”

“Okay, so how did you think about becoming a writer?”

Zayn tells him about school walking steadily by his side, Maya on his shoulders as they walk down the road to the bus stop. Zayn likes books, he’s read Don Quixote a _lot_ of times, his mum and dad always told him he’d be a good writer one day while they were reading his mini stories, Trisha bought him a thesaurus for his sixteenth birthday _and as lame as that may sound, I was really happy_ after that it was all about reading books with stories, introspection and adventure and writing something online, presenting one of his writings to a publishing company and _voilà,_ he shrugs

“I would like to write something happier one day, maybe this one is letting me do that” he taps the notebook he winks at Maya above him that’s humming “Haven’t Met You Yet” in her light gibberish, Zayn smiling and singing along with her.

Liam’s still stuck somewhere in how Zayn seems to fit in the prospect. 

“Where’s her mum?” he whispers down at him, over the now loud _I just haven’t met you yet_ screamed by Maya above him

“She died” he replies quickly, returning to look in front of him, flashes of beds and blood and eyes closing returning to his mind, he shuts his eyes closed for a second hearing Zayn sighs frustrated

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t-”

“It’s okay, you would have seen her if she was around, don’t worry” he dismisses in front of their doors, one opposite to the other

“Goodnight Mama!”

“Night Zayn” he and Maya say, and Maya runs to him quickly kissing his forehead, a stunned look on Zayn’s face when she wishes “Sweet dreams”

“Sweet dreams Liam” his eyes turn back to him, chocolate and caramel mixing liquidly in those two captivating irises.

Liam can’t answer, but he waves and Zayn smiles, Sophia’s face not in his eyes anymore. He always tried finding Sophia in people’s faces, but this time he’s not.

He’s walking.

 

They occasionally eat at his place because Maya says so and Zayn is accommodating, little awards on walls and shelves clean and his cream coloured cashmere couch in the living room make him feel at home even though he’s never been there, some drawings of Maya hanged on the walls.

And maybe it’s been this easy to open his eyes again.

Zayn makes him want to do things he’s always stopped himself from doing after Maya was born, he makes him want to touch him and feel the roughness of his beard. They have countless dinners that Louis says don’t really seem like dinners one night when he barges in with Harry and Niall for films.

Zayn holds Maya in arms during those nights, his t-shirt revealing a quite unique sleeve, a chest piece Liam would like to bite into and a tiger on his forearm.

Louis pushes him in the bathroom and corners him one night while Niall and Harry dispute with a very concerned Maya and very entertained Zayn which pasta maker is the best.

“I think you’re so ready to fuck him, I can feel your hormones from a three kilometre distance” he accuses him with a finger poking against his chest and Liam doesn’t know what to do with it until they’re all gone for a drink and Liam helps Zayn clean.

He’s about say goodnight when he finds himself smoothing Zayn’s thick beard with his thumb, his finger trailing down the line the patch of dark hair to his throat and watches Zayn swallowing quickly with a levelled stare

“Don’t be scared” Zayn says while Maya is sleeping in his arms, her curled hair tickling his neck.

“I’m not” he lies brushing Zayn’s hair flopping on the front back, his heart pounding in his chest when Zayn tip toes a little and noses against his chin and leaves an open mouthed kiss on the corner of his mouth, the seam of his lips itching after he moves away, his breath ghosting on Liam’s neck

He walks with his heart in his throat and after laying Maya on her bed he thinks about calling Niall, the line beeping loudly in his ears while he stands in front of his and Sophia's room. He didn't step in it yet, he doesn't know what could change.

“What’s up?” Niall's groggy voice filters through and

“You worked some sort of love charm on me right?” Liam asks quickly and Niall laughs with him at 2:03 in the morning.

He’s never laughed this much.

 

 

“Are you helping me or not Maya?”

“Blue box shirt and jeans!”

“Can’t you listen to your daughter? She’s giving good counsel!” Louis urges for the plaid and the jeans, his blue eyes glinting with excitement, Niall and Jade looking up and down at him when he comes out in light jeans and plaid.

“This screams ready to fuck, to be honest” Niall worries his lips with a raised blond brow

"Niall-" he points to Maya, Jade pulling his ear

“Shut it Niall, that’s the plan” Louis chews his lips looking at him, stopping to pick a red plaid instead and hanging it beside him

“It’s just the first date” Niall protests quickly trying to help him but to no avail, Louis already fussing to pick another pair of jeans

Zayn didn’t really ask him out on a date, but while Maya was playing with his hair he just asked _Do you wanna try that restaurant by Salinger Avenue?_ And Liam to his own surprise agreed easily. Maya just tapped Zayn on the head and said “Good Zayn”, giggling just after when Zayn tickled her sides.

He didn’t remember dates being this worrying.

“They’re going to bloody marry, these two? They could marry tomorrow if Liam were to be ready”

“Zayn is not exactly subtle Niall, those stares are a lot to take in, and I don’t know how Liam does it” Jade adds indifferently

“Hey!” Niall frowns offended pulling her gingery hair, Jade swatting him back

“Don’t be bratty, Zayn is beautiful, it’d be fucked up for somebody not to be influenced, right Liam?” Louis states

“Louis! There’s Maya!” he warns

“Oh sorry Maya, will you forgive poor old Uncle Louis for using such bad words?”

“What words?”

“The word f-”

“Louis!”

"Okay you're set! Damn!"

“Louis, one more word I swear-”

 

Maya waves her two hands before he kisses her for the fiftieth time, Louis grumbling and huffing and rolling his eyes

“You’re not going to war Liam, it’s just a three hour date or more” he winks lewdly

“Be good Maya okay? I’m coming”

“Happy” Liam doesn’t know what she says after but he’s feeling happy as he walks down the car parked in front of the entrance and Zayn smiles containing the grins and smirks.

Thankfully to Liam, Zayn is an habitual of the place for both of them, the restaurant in its lustrous lights and nicely dressed waiters is making him a bit dizzy, Zayn is a writer and he forgets at times, he forgets things easily and Zayn is able to remind him how life goes at times, you don’t know shit about the menu but you get around it.

“Can you read this?” he points to the menu, Zayn dressed in a tight black Henley, two buttons off and revealing his chest piece, the shirt splaying nicely on his chest and stretching across the line of his shoulders. His glasses are off and Liam wonders how nice it’d be to tease him if he were to be short-sighted and it scares him that he’s thinking about this because Maya is still small and she doesn’t know how fucked over he is about the man sitting in front of him and is lightly kicking and brushing his ankle with his boots, a smirk nicely hidden when Liam looks at him flushed.

“Nah, don’t understand anything, but the waiter can tell us” he says simply, raising his hand, and a waiter appearing by his side

“Mr. Malik” it’s the only thing he says

“Kinda need some English translation of all of this” he says casually, Liam snorting a little when the guy after Zayn tells him to take a sit and tell them, flushes of a deep red and stutters his way through the menu

“Oh, this is Liam by the way” he adds in

“Nice to meet you-”

“See, this is Mark, he’s my editor- says I don’t pay him enough, which is nuts, because there’s another reason…” he chuckles when Mark has their orders after explaining each first course plates “You see that other boy by the far end of the aisle? He’s wooing him and he’s acting as if he’s a proper waiter, he’s a shit” Liam laughs when Mark returns back from disposing of the menus and reassuring them of their orders are being taken care of

“As if you coming here with Liam is not wooing” he says moving the flower vase by the window where the lights of the road are dimmed, Liam feeling himself blush right off the end of the comment

“At least I’m not working two jobs to keep my identity a secret” Zayn bites back quickly, winking at Mark that huffs

“That’s Zayn Malik for you, a total asshole. The people that write those reviews are right off their head” Zayn snorts again and Liam decides he kind of loves the way he smiles, his eyes crinkling and his nose scrunching and the way their feet are suddenly tangled under the table.

It shouldn’t feel this comfortable, but some of the scare his heart closes in dissolves when they sit there and Zayn breaks the pita bread and make him try it with butter. He could stay there forever.

“I wish Maya was here” he says setting the fork down

“We could go back-”

“No, I- It’s the first time I’m sitting down for so long on a date and it’s nice, I stopped after Maya..” he means _I stopped after Sophia_ , but he guesses that’s not the time to say “I know she’d be glad to see me this settled”

“I’m glad” Zayn smiles openly, he likes his smile.

 

 

"Can I ask you a favour?" Zayn asks blowing hot air in the cold weather.

“Go on”

“I had an idea for my next book cover, I’m done with it actually and I would like to- like take a picture of you and Maya, your faces will not be included obviously but- yeah”

“Okay” he says, stunning both himself and Zayn that stops in his tracks to look at him quite doubtful

“What?”

“I said okay” he considers more to himself than Zayn, he’s never actually let other people take pictures of him and Maya, it always seems like there’s somebody missing and he can’t stand it, but he’s fine with him.

“Are you going to take the picture?”

“Yeah”

“I’m fine with it” he reassures himself again, he looks down at his feet and his heart is thumping violently in his chest but he- he doesn’t know what is happening.

Zayn hums songs as they walk in the quietness of their street, he parked his car down the lot and it’s cold, Liam’s coat not being enough during the night but he’s warm, he’s so fucking warm and he wants to give Zayn everything while he talks about the picture he had in mind, stuttering a little and smiling hard enough to break the sun.

“It’s changing”

“Uhm?”

“The night” Liam whispers looking in his eyes standing in front of his door. Zayn fiddles with the buttons of his coat and chews his lips and Liam can’t not kiss him- he does, Zayn breathing in quickly and kissing him back for a moment.

“The night is changing” Zayn repeats, his eyes fluttering open as realization flashes on the smooth planes of his face before he stands on the tip of his toes and he kisses him too.

Liam could kiss Zayn forever. Because the first kiss is just a taste, but this one is ravaging and Zayn is biting and licking and his hands are creasing his plaid in their fist, the taste of coke and chips on his tongue when it gently brushes against his, how it presses on the roof of his mouth and its tip trails a line there. His vision is out of focus and his feet are tingling like numb as Zayn settles back on the ball of his feet.

"Are you scared?" Zayn whispers while his eyes search for any hint of doubt

"... No," he stammers as Zayn interlocks their fingers and looks at him again quietly for a few seconds

“Good… tell me when you are”

Liam’s brain is fuzzing at the shock that courses his skin when Zayn’s hand holds his, but he’s never been so ready for this. Zayn drags him to his room and his mind doesn’t seem to cooperate anymore. Liam knows right from the moment Zayn has got him standing in front of the bed, his cheeks flushed and his mouth slightly open that they are going to have sex. Suggested it to him also is his overbearing erection that insists against the zipper of his jeans and Zayn’s own too, but the truth is that the reality of it becomes tangible only when Zayn unzips his jeans slowly, breathing softly against his neck, and it’s tempting.

“Scared yet?”

“No” his voice trembles a little and he swallows hardly, the lump in his throat still there.

“Do you trust me?”

He knows about sex with men, as much as he remembers quickies in the bathrooms of his high school between other guys were no biggie for him but this feels different, he’s not unprepared but he’s not even sure he’s going to survive this.

“Yeah” he whispers, his voice reduced to a moan when Zayn bites his birthmark and licks soothingly at it, making the ache turn gratifying in Liam’s mind.

The grip of Zayn’s hands on his shoulders is tight, his trapped cock so close to that of Liam, his mouth to lick almost obsessively, a bit unhealthy, and Liam wants to touch everywhere from his bared belly to his wing tattoo, to his back and to his abs and the skin so tight and smooth over the muscles. He wants to discover every inch of Zayn's skin like a little surprise. Zayn devours him with his eyes and Liam is entranced by him. Liam will be stuck on him forever and he is more convinced as seconds pass.

He imagined that the first time he’d have sex with Zayn would be the best, but the truth is that it’s insatiable, his imagination a bit evil; it quirks a sense of hunger that overbears Liam and can only make what they’re about to do in bed the most exciting Liam has ever managed to even hope to live.

Liam is starting to think, sucking Zayn’s tongue and feeling his filthy hands on his hips stripping off his jeans and letting them fall on the floor stroking his cock, that he’d love to love Zayn for the rest of his life.

“Scared?”

“No”

Zayn pulls his hair back and smiles. Liam knows what he's doing even though he doesn’t, it feels like a kind of defence mechanism he had on with other people and as where with them he’d just avoid even looking at them in the eyes he can’t stop himself from staring back at Zayn. He can melt up to not fill more than his own flesh, his own blood, his own mind. Zayn makes him one with instincts.

And then it happens. With one last tender lick of tongue Zayn leaves his lips and takes a step back from him, putting an end to a wonderful friction their lengths provoked him. He takes off his shirt slowly and with that the rest of his clothes.

Liam is biting his lips, he knows. His pants are down to his ankles and his erection begins to ache when Zayn lowers the zipper of pants. His heart literally stops for a moment when, still whistling, Zayn lowers his pants to the floor continuing to move your hips to the rhythm right and then left, without any shame.

The shaky legs, sweaty palms and unsteady breathing increase when he has Zayn pushed on the mattress after kissing him again avidly, finally getting the chance to take his jeans off without fainting.

"Do you know…?”

"I do Zayn, not really a saint you know…" Zayn laughs searching for something under his red pillow, the surface of the bed creasing under his touch and Liam loses himself in the moment, Zayn's tanned skin splaying in front of him, the muscles of his back stretching across his skin and the heat emanating from his body.

Zayn offers him the bottle of lube and condom with a quick smile, his head against the mattress and moving my hips like in turning motions. Liam is going to die, and he’s sure of that as he kneads Zayn’s cheeks and Zayn shudders against the mattress, his eyes shut and moans echoing in the room. He coats his fingers with lube, heart hammering in his chest and fingers trembling a little and his works his pointer in the wrinkled and pinkish hole, Zayn gasping on the bed.

Zayn moans louder and louder pushing back against his fingers.

“More Liam, more come on” Zayn cajoles him, and Liam does slowly, slowly and Zayn is shaking and moaning, pushing against his fingers encouraging him and is calling on his name.

Liam has never liked his name this much, he never even thought it would be this nice to hear. Hear it, pronounced it by Zayn’s mouth, especially when he asks, he enjoys, as it is and it provokes an intoxicating sensation of omnipotence that does not take long to feel goose bumps forming on his skin.

Suddenly, he finds himself worshipping Zayn’s name, he finds it even sensual. It does feel good without asking for anything back, a principle of alchemy that doesn’t work with them and looking Zayn fuck himself on his fingers with a fury almost unnatural, moaning and screaming from the overwhelming pleasure as uncontrolled and unconscious Liam feels his skin melting.

It is the view that takes his breath away, his own fingers moving in and out of his hole in the same way so simple, so fast and so perverse threatening to make him come, without even touching. When one of his fingers joins those eager to Zayn, "God, yes," Zayn cries out.

It lasts for a while, Zayn is moving hips in rhythm with the thrusts of his fingers. Then Zayn, holding both his cheeks with his hands, spasms closing his eyes. He moves forward, his body moving harder against the mattress and putting even more in showing his spine, legs open, his hole open and wet.

“Liam I’m ready, I’m ready” he murmurs against the bed and Liam can’t resist, he rips the foil of the condom and rolls it on slowly.

He slips his hard cock in his hole with gentle pushes, then back out and in again and finally with a bit of momentum when Zayn tells him to go faster and faster, he can’t last for long, he knows, he goes in and out erratically gripping Zayn’s sides.

 "Yes, yes, yes, Liam, yes," Zayn shakes and holding the sheets now almost ready to tear, to snatch them.

"I’m-" and Liam knows he’s coming. He feels distinctly in the way his hole clenches and Liam comes too, manoeuvring Zayn in front of him and his back on the bed, kissing him and it’s almost sublime, how is body feels and his mind frees of any thought.

How he feels like he’s not cheating anymore.

 

 

Zayn’s home is vacant most days and even though Liam would like to tell him that he could move some his things in his place, he fears a little, some irrational worry and wandering thought going to Sophia. Maya tells him how Zayn is ace at cooking and how messy his office looks _Mark tall!_ She widens her arms and Liam falls into the rhythm easily, Zayn writing on his block notes, Maya sitting by Zayn when he draws something, Zayn and Maya falling asleep everywhere.

He doesn’t get used to how his breath hitches and how loud his moans are while Zayn fucks into him and then kisses him quiet when his cock drags in and out of him inexorably, his murmurs soothing and lingering.

Liam doesn’t think of Sophia then and it’s a long time he doesn’t think of her. It’s a long time his heart beats and it doesn’t hurt. Zayn asks of her and after some tries Liam talks about Sophia and her eyes and how small she was and what she made him promise on that forsaken bed.

“She must have been amazing” Zayn concludes kissing his neck

“Yeah, she was” he doesn’t tell him why he doesn’t visit her grave, but he feels as if he can now.

Zayn took the picture he talked about while him and Maya were sleeping on the couch and kissing him to wake up just after, Maya asking for a kiss of her own and Zayn complying easily.

 

"How is Zayn doing?" Liam opens the door to his apartment to let Louis in, Harry and Niall following behind him each holding a box of pizza and a box of drinks. They always hide the beer, but Liam doesn't care anymore.

He's said it many times but they not wanting to trigger anything and he leaves them to that, it's probably for his own good.

"Good, you saw him this afternoon. He's coming with Maya"

"Groceries?"

"Ye-"

"You see? They're married already! Niall give my hundreds" Louis points with a slice of pizza

"Mine too!" Harry adds in with his mouth full of pizza as they sit on the carpet

"Hundreds! We bid only on a few pounds!" Niall defends himself, gulping down a can of sprite

"Hundreds? You bid on me for hundreds?" He stops everybody

"Louis started!" Harry accuses Louis with a finger

"You wanted it too!"

"Niall why did you bid?" He sounds exasperated even to himself

"Because it's Louis!" he justifies himself again, as if it’s obvious.

Zayn knocks in that moment and Niall hurries away, the faint noisome shrills of Maya getting louder as Niall brings her in the living room, stripped of her jacket and hat.

"Zayn bought ice cream!"

"Whoops! Which kind?"

"Vanilla and chocolate" Maya reaches Harry and Louis and bringing them in a hug, kissing both their cheeks.

Liam goes to the kitchen, the pavement cold against his socked feet as he makes his way there. Zayn is taking the box of ice cream and shoving it in the freezer, his teeth chattering a little dressed in Liam's blue plaid.

"I bought a short story" he says turning around, and laying his glasses on the counter.

"Oh?"

"Well, didn't really buy it, it's mine but I wanted to let you read it first" Zayn kisses him, his cold hands finding their way into Liam's jumper and making Liam freeze, Zayn laughs and kisses him again.

"-wanted to do that for a while now" he admits with a wicked grin

Liam warms them up, stroking them with his hot ones

"It's the story of an aquarist and a writer-" he starts solemnly

"Really?"

"No Liam" he chuckles shaking his head

He gives him a  smooth surfaced brown paper box, a black ribbon tied in a bow above it and stops him from opening it right there, his hands still cold holding Liam's wrist.

"Uh?" He sighs, Zayn chewing his thumb with a worried face

"I love you" Zayn says looking at him

"I-" he starts but Zayn shakes his head

"No, I know like, it's a bit difficult for you but I do... I love Maya- yesterday I was looking at her pictures on my phone and I know she's not mine but I feel like she is and- I love both of you" he says, his fingers crawling around Liam’s middle

"I will-" _I will, love you_ he wants to say but he doesn’t know why it doesn’t come out

"Read it, yeah?" He asks again, Liam's hands shaking a little. He's never said I love you to anybody apart from Sophia and Maya and he wants to say it but-

He'll read the book.

"I will, thank you" he holds it close to his chest and Zayn's smile is enough for him to fight whatever stops him from saying it.

 

"Oh so this is your office" Liam looks around the mass of paper and ink, computer screens lit up and cups of coffee everywhere, the smell of it filling the air. The urge to clean everything strikes Liam as the clock ticks.

Zayn picks some folders up and adds them to his empty desk, only a black pen and a set of white paper stacked on the surface.

"Do you hand write?"

"It's easier for me, harder for who has to type it in the computer, oh that's Melanie, she's the one" he points his cup to a minute girl wearing a denim dungaree that wavers her fingers for a second before turning back to her screen, three pens holding her bun.

Zayn smiles pointing to the black couch by the far end of the room, the windows above it shut and baring the view of the aquarium from afar.

"One day I'll fuck you on that couch" he murmurs sipping nonchalantly from his cup, Liam looks up at Melanie that has her eyes fixated on the computer screen, keyboard keys clicking rapidly

"You're at work"

"Still want to" and Liam pinches his side, Zayn squirming away to set the cup on his desk.

Maya comes in held on Mark's shoulder, she loves Mark and Liam is happy about that; apart from Harry, Louis, Niall and Jade nobody else can gain her trust the way Mark took it so easily. Her hand rests on Mark's hair, playing with locks of it.

"Daddy! Mark showed me the roof!"

"How was it?" Liam opens his arms catching a jumpy Maya in and looking at Mark that chuckles and says he's going out for some tea

"Send my regards to Elijah!" Zayn says quickly, Mark stumbling on a piece of paper

"Clumsy!" Maya calls, Mark pulling out his tongue before leaving with his flushed cheeks.

"Like it?"

"Yeah, did you see the drawings?" He asks Maya, kissing her forehead and ruffling her dark hair. Maya slings her arms around his neck

"Beautiful like Zayn!" she says

"Beautiful like Zayn" Liam repeats looking at Zayn hiding his smile and ducking his head.

Maya walks around carefully, occasionally sitting in Melanie's lap for a while before returning to him with a sandwich in her hands as she chews a bite, or a bottle of water.

Zayn writes, his glasses on and a dark headband keeping his fair from falling on his eyes, and he’s fine like that. He’s fine with Zayn.

"Daddy, are you okay?" Maya cups his cheeks, her ambers worried for a second

"I'm okay"

And for one time he's not lying to himself.

 

Zayn dresses in his clean black suit, the shirt underneath stretching over his torso as he wears the jacket and Liam smoothens it for him on the front.

“God, Liam I don’t want to go” Zayn huffs kissing Liam’s jaw, Zayn shaven one turning a little red when he moves away, he insisted on keeping his usual headband, but Liam convinced him on leaving his hair down, silky and framing his face

“You have to, it’s important, just one night of socializing…” Zayn sighs breathing in.

Liam can’t go with him to the release of his new book, Maya’s coughing, but he helps him with his bowtie while Zayn takes his clothes off and Liam ends up saying goodbye with only his pants on, Mark promising he’ll make sure he will actually shake people’s hands and not hide for the night.

He and Maya arrange her wardrobe and waste a ridiculous amount of time in the bath blowing bubbles between their fingers and Maya washing his hair.

“Are you okay?” she asks, pressing her hands to his cheeks, crumbles of biscuit on the sides of her mouth when they’re done with the bath and return in the kitchen, Maya seated in her high-chair.

“Daddy’s good” he whispers, rubbing their noses together and wiping her mouth clean with a cloth

They brush their teeth together and Maya falls asleep early even though he wanted to keep her up till Zayn would come.

It’s one in the morning when knocks make him raise his eyes from the corals of his little aquarium by the stand of near the window.

Hi voice is loud over the door; Liam worries for a second that he might be drunk and his preoccupations are founded when he looks at him, the jacket of the suit off, his bow tie undone and he can’t think, flashes of roads and Mill Palm and Sophia and blood and so many things fuzzing in his head as Zayn smiles, his eyes unfocused.

Zayn is drunk and he loses it for a second shoving at him and for a moment he knew that he had something with drunkenness, he had something with seeing people drunk but seeing it on Zayn makes it more tangible for him, more terrifying.

Zayn backs up surprised, his expression turning stern in confusion

“Don’t get fucking near, don’t!” he says keeping his hands in front of him, the flashes of images not stopping in his mind, his head flaring with pain as he keeps him at arm distance.

“Liam, hey” Zayn whispers caressing his cheeks and the smell is so strong and revolting, he struggles in Zayn’s hold, his eyes a little distracted as his mouth opens to say something but nothing comes out

“I’m- you can’t come in! Go home, don’t come in, please”

“Why?” he asks incredulous and perplexed “Why?” Zayn insists his voice raising, preoccupation flaring in his tone

“You’re drunk! He killed Sophia while being drunk!” he blurts out pushing him away finally.

He stumbles back a little, awareness flashing on his face and his mouth hanging open, hurt unmistakeable in his eyes

“God, I’m sorry, I’m sorry dammit Liam, I’m so fucking sorry, I’ll go just- I’m sorry” he holds his hands up almost scared as he steps further back and Liam can’t say anything as he shuts himself inside, his heart pounding frantically in his ears as he slides down the door exhausted, tears flowing down his cheeks and it feels as if his heart shattering and he’s never cried so much, his eyes sting as he calls Louis and asks him to pick Maya up, his voice cracking.

And he doesn’t know why but he gets it, Sophia is not coming back, he understands it now and he doesn’t know why he got it now, while seeing Zayn drunk but he was so scared for him, he was so scared for him that he didn’t want imagine him driving home while on the influence.

He needs to go, he doesn’t know where but he needs to and his heart is hurting so much he can’t catch a breath. Knocks wake him up and when he opens up Harry is dead pale and worried, his eyebrows creasing and his eyes a bit red.

“She’s not coming back right?” it’s the only thing he can say as Harry nods smiling sadly, tears brimming his eyes and shakes his head and pulls him in for a hug, Louis rushing to Maya’s room to pick her up, he’s so fucked up he can’t even stop crying for God’s sake.

“She’s gone Liam, need to start again, you need to start again for Maya” Harry hiccups, his grip getting tighter on his forearms. And he nods, he nods because he has to try and-

“I love him, she’s not coming back again” he admits, his voice breaking and his eyes full with tears wetting Harry’s shoulder.

 He looks at Louis carrying a sleepy Maya outside, Sophia’s blanket on her head

“I know Li, fall in love again, you can do it”

“I need to go- no, I’ll be back I swear, I’ll come back” he reassures Harry that looks at him unconvinced

“The last time you fucking ran away for a month, you’re not going to do that again, you’re-" Harry grips his arms as if to stop him, Liam winces a little, but Harry doesn't drop his hand. His eyes are wild, moving quickly to scan Liam like he's to solve.

“I’m just going to visit her mum and dad, I swear Harry, I’ll come back. Just going to visit her parents. I can’t leave Maya” he says convincingly

“You have to come back”

“Look after Maya for me please, just for a day” he pleads, Harry nodding defeated. He helps him out with the keys and before he goes away Harry flicks him on the forehead

“Please, make sure he’s fine. He must be guilty, and I’ll fix this, I’ll fix everything” Liam says, Harry nods along with him and breaths in.

 

 

When the door to Sophia’s parents opens, her mum covers her mouth and starts sobbing a little, Liam catching her in a hug and saying sorry for all the time he didn’t visit and all the times he refused to open Sophia’s bedroom, for all the times he told her it was his fault.

“You look so peaceful” she says wiping the tears off her eyes,

Her dad meets him in the living room, his usual coffee in his hands and the newspaper opened on his lap

“Liam, son, long time right?”

“I’m sorry” he excuses shaking his hand

“No need to be, ready yeah?”

“Ready” he tells him confidently

It took him a while, two years.

While Sophia’s dad with his dark hair invaded by grey strands leads him through his town, the bar where Sophia kissed him after he said _I do really love you,_ the back of their school where they kind of did some dirty, Sophia’s dad glancing at him funnily as he chuckles passing by there.

They walk through the park Sophia told him she was pregnant, her petite hand held on her belly, laying down under the shadow of green trees and her head on his lap, and the brightest smile she had in reserve. He steps in the hospital she gave birth in, Maya, 6.9 pounds and a teary eyed Sophia holding her close almost like a lover, but more. So much more.

He’s never been this ready.

When he sits down on the couch with Sophia’s mum by his side, her dad by his fauteuil, their tea still on the coffee table and fuming. He takes a deep breath, Harry told him it was going to hurt, but his heart is bleeding already and for the first time he can’t stop it, he doesn’t want to.

“Thing is, I had her engagement ring ready- seems silly now- I’ve always been not that good with timing- I’m a bit rubbish with calculations I know, but hey I’m an aquarist now, Sophia always told me I could do everything I set my mind to. But, I had bought the ring three days before- and- and this piece of shit took her away with a bottle of vodka in his car, and I’m still livid, I’m still sad, because there were so many things that I could have done, so many things she had in store for her own life and a bastard- this- during the afternoon _for God’s sake_. You know, and the drunk guy comes and visits and you want to kill him too, but you can’t because what would that do? He’s killed your future wife and he’s taken her life away, what more?” he asks, his eyes stinging when he looks at Sophia’s dad taking his glasses off and wiping the tears from his cheeks “I couldn’t even shed a tear at the funeral because I didn’t know what to feel and I guess I didn’t have to run away but I did. I couldn’t cry, I couldn’t do it but I did a couple of days ago and she’s not coming back Sarah, and I understand that, I know sh-she’s not coming back and Maya is beautiful”

He stops to catch a breath, and it’s hurting, it hurts but he’s started already, wiping his face with the cuffs of his jumper he takes a deep breath toying with Sophia’s bracelet around his wrist “Maya is so beautiful and she has her mum’s face and ears and she’s so kind and happy and I’m just- I think I’m still a shit person but I fell in love again and I was thinking that it’s two years I didn’t fall in love as hard as I did with Sophia and I had to come to see you because Sophia told me I had to, I had to fall in love again” he sniffs, his cuffs wet and disgusting when he looks at them, he must look terrible.

“Oh Liam” her mother hugs him close, “You’re the most wonderful gift my daughter had and I know she’s happy, so do love, yeah? Bring him home and let’s see him okay?”

“Okay, I love her still, she’s always there, but he’s always there too and I love him and- yeah” he laughs a little taking a bunch of Kleenex and wiping his eyes, they hurt a little, his skin itching but he feels better, he’s never felt this better about everything.

“Go sleep okay? We love you”

He nods hugging Sophia’s mother tightly and nodding up to her father. He drags his feet to Sophia’s room still the way she left it when she moved down in Liverpool, and Liam can finally sit on her bed and look around, pick up the pictures and look at them with a smile, he can read the little letter he sent her back when they’re all pathetically shy about dating.

He can do those things.

He takes Zayn's book from his bag and tears the paper away, the cover of a plain burgundy, he rubs his thumb on the surface, fabric scratching his the skin of his fingertips. Zayn's handwriting is clear in the inside of the cover _I love you_ clear and in caps written all over it.

He's never read this much but when he closes the book, his heart racing and eyes throbbing he knows he's loved Zayn since the first time he saw him sitting in front of the shark tank, shadows and blue reflections of water painting his face.

 

Liam comes back parking his car and doing the steps two by two trying to regulate his breathing almost gone as he reaches the last step. Zayn is sitting by his door, the book he published before Liam went away in his hands, the cover picture of Maya on him laying on the couch. Liam recognizes his plaid.

“Don’t run away anymore” Zayn whispers in front of him when he stands up, his hair messy “You scared me, I thought- I’d lose you or-” he rubs his cheeks, his skin a bit pale and he looks like he didn’t eat.

“Thank you” he takes the book offered “I’m sorry for wha-”

“No, I- I understand and I’ll be gone but I just wanted to give you this-” Zayn smiles, his eyes tired and sleepy almost. He’s missed him, he’s missed him so much.

It's just a step forward; Liam's hand reaches Zayn's neck and Zayn sighs in relief closing his eyes and Liam kisses him. He kisses Zayn slowly, starting with quick pecks, and biting a little at his chin listening Zayn chuckle lightly and he’s missed this too, hearing Zayn’s voice and fell Zayn's skin against his own. Liam’s hand cups Zayn’s cheek, and he watches Zayn’s eyes close like he's at ease, the thick beard prickles Liam's skin, his lips warm and smooth and inviting and Liam’s feeling like he could do all the things Sophia talked about and even more than that. Zayn’s scorching hands stop on his face, they stroke and caress and rub and Liam’s breath is gone when he looks back into his eyes.

“I- I love you. And I was scared, but I loved you for so long and I couldn’t because- but I’m fine, and if you still do, love me we can be whatever…”

“Yeah,” Zayn says urgently breathing harshly as he gets closer and closer “You’re going to tell me about it yeah, all of it” Liam nods, eyes a bit blurry, tears starting to form as he nods some more.

“You’re not going to run right?”

“I found you, I don’t think I will”

Zayn’s smile when he leads him inside his place and has him trembling under his body is one of the most beautiful things he’s ever seen.

_There’s a moment when you finally realize_  
_There’s no way you can change the rolling tide_  
_But I know yes I know that I'll be fine._

**Author's Note:**

> Again, I'm sorry for all the mistakes, I'm actually on my knees. Thank you for reading this.


End file.
